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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440534">i swear you were there (and i was catching my breath)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account'>orphan_account</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Merlin (TV)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Alternate Universe - Reincarnation, First Kiss, M/M, One Shot, Reincarnation, basically rewatch feelings hit me hard, idiots to lovers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-12-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-12-31</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-10 21:13:45</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,760</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/28440534</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>He doesn't know how he knows when it happens, but he knows -- he can feel that Arthur is back and he doesn’t question it before he runs to find him. </p><p>It’s like there’s a voice calling his name, in his mind.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Merlin/Arthur Pendragon (Merlin)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>10</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>115</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>i swear you were there (and i was catching my breath)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>He doesn't know how he knows when it happens, but he knows -- he can feel that Arthur is back and he doesn’t question it before he runs to find him. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>It’s like there’s a voice calling his name, in his mind.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He runs out of his flat and down the road, like a mad man, and gets there as fast as he can.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>He never strayed far from Albion, just in case.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He looks like his younger self.  It’s been a long time since he chose to take this form.  His body never naturally ages, not like other people.  He started  adopting the older frame because it was easier.  Older people fade into the background.  It makes sense why they live alone. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He finds Arthur sitting by the water, completely drenched, wearing the last clothes he wore, of all things.  He’s shivering and looking around in confusion -- a fish out of water, if there ever was one.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin’s breath catches in his throat.  He runs to him, falling on the ground in front of Arthur, pulling his coat and his scarf off his own body so he can give them to Arthur.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Where am I -- what happened?”  Arthur gets out through chattering teeth. He pulls Merlin closer, touching his face, holding his hand to Merlin’s cheek.  “You’re </span>
  <em>
    <span>real</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Quite,” Merlin breathes, as he puts a hand over Arthur’s.  He feels like he might start to laugh, from happiness -- from relief.  He feels giddy.  Centuries upon centuries, and finally,  Arthur’s back.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He’s </span>
  <em>
    <span>here</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin pulls his coat around Arthur, and throws his scarf around his neck.  He’s got a sweater -- he will be more than alright with that.  He dries Arthur’s clothes with magic, and Arthur flinches, then settles.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“What </span>
  <em>
    <span>is</span>
  </em>
  <span> this place?”  Arthur asks, looking around.  He reaches a hand up to the curls atop Merlin’s head, touches the relaxed style he adopted a while ago.  “What happened to your </span>
  <em>
    <span>hair</span>
  </em>
  <span>?” </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin laughs, and runs a hand through his own hair.  “I let it grow out, a bit.  It’s the same world you left, but a different age,”  Merlin says gently as he pulls Arthur to his feet.  “Let’s get home and I’ll tell you more.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He brings Arthur to his flat.   It’s small, and it’s got a couple of bedrooms and books piled on many of the tables.  He doesn't have many possessions, and he’s never bothered decorating.  It’s never really felt like a home, but it’s a safe space, at least.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin looks at Arthur’s clothes, worn and torn by the ages.  “I’ll go out and buy you some things to wear.  There’s a shop just around the corner.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur catches Merlin’s wrist with a hand.  “You can’t leave me here,” he says, commanding, and then adds as quiet as a whisper: “You’re the only thing I know.”  Arthur sounds scared, and it’s so foreign to Merlin, that he softens immediately.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Okay, you’ll wear some of mine then, and we’ll go shopping tomorrow.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Alright,” Arthur visibly relaxes.  Merlin helps him dress in a pair of sweatpants and a sweatshirt -- both large on Merlin but they are a bit too small on Arthur.  There’s something so endearing about seeing him like this, in clothes Merlin has worn time and time again, that Merlin’s breath catches in his throat. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll learn how to dress myself,”  Arthur tells him, as if this is what Merlin’s thinking about -- as if he wouldn’t help him even though they’re not at all servant and king anymore.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’ll help you til you’re ready. It’s alright,”  Merlin tells him.  He pulls Arthur to him in a hug, wondering if he will allow it, and wondrously he does, even winding his own arms around Merlin, holding him back. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I have a room for you,”  Merlin tells Arthur, when the night falls.  He shows Arthur how the lights work, and Arthur wordlessly drops onto the bed. Merlin can feel Arthur’s bright eyes on his back as he turns towards the door.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Goodnight,” Merlin tells him.  He doesn’t really want to take his eyes off of Arthur but he does, turning to close the door as he leaves.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Goodnight,”  Arthur echoes.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He comes to Merlin’s room an hour later, hovers on the other side of the bed.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> scared or anything, I just-”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin turns to him, pulls the blankets back, and Arthur climbs in, facing him, blue eyes searching his face. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Gwen?”  he asks.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Merlin lets out a breath, takes Arthur’s hand.  “She was an amazing Queen.  You would have been </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> proud of her.  She lived a long and happy life.  She did so much good.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Good,”  Arthur breathes, and he squeezes Merlin’s hand.  He falls asleep holding it.   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin makes them breakfast the next morning, pancake and sausage and fresh orange juice.  He has come to quite enjoy cooking over the years, although it’s been a long time since he had anyone to cook for.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He got kind of tired of making friends that he couldn’t keep, after a while.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re quite good at this,”  Arthur tells him, as he eats with gusto.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I do have my talents,”  Merlin shrugs.   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur studies him.  “How long have you been waiting for me, Merlin?”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Many lifetimes,”  Merlin tells him, and the moment feels heavy, somehow, so he adds to it, as he always does:  “Didn’t think you’d come.  Guess I’m not that lucky.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur laughs, but his face falls serious, contemplative.  He’s quiet til he’s drying dishes as Merlin washes them.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I’m sorry you had to wait so long.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin shakes his head.  “I would have waited longer.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur nods to himself, as he turns back to his task.  “I don’t think I ever deserved you.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin doesn’t know what to say to that.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“So they’re stairs, but they </span>
  <em>
    <span>move</span>
  </em>
  <span>,”  Arthur stares at a store’s escalator, with all the suspicion in the world, as if it might attack him at any moment.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Yes, they go up and down, but we only have to step onto it.  No climbing necessary.”</span>
  <span><br/>
<br/>
</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Right, well,”  Arthur nods, as if he’s preparing himself, then steps on, with stiff limbs and a set jaw.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He grips Merlin’s hand and holds it fast the second he feels himself moving, and Merlin can’t say he minds.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>—</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They pass a couple kissing on the street, one night.  Two men, wrapped around each other.  Merlin sees it and he looks to Arthur, who looks back, eyes wide.</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“Things are different now,”  Merlin whispers.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur just nods, and shoots a look back to them, quickly, before turning back around.   He’s quiet for the rest of their walk home, and Merlin’s not sure he wants to know what Arthur’s thinking.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>__</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur decides he’s going to make Merlin breakfast one morning.  Merlin comes out to find him, covered in flour and cursing, as he examines a cookbook.  Arthur has become quite fond of television, and has picked up modern swearing with a gusto that doesn’t surprise Merlin in the least.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin really shouldn’t find it as adorable as he does, but he’s always been incredibly soft when it comes to Arthur. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I was trying to make you pancakes, but this fucking mixer is out to get me,”  Arthur complains, when he catches sight of him.  </span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Merlin brushes some of the flour out of Arthur’s hair, watches as it falls to the ground.  “It’s the thought that counts,”  he tells him.  And in a momentary fit of insanity, he leans forward, pressing a kiss to Arthur’s cheek.  “Thank you.  I’ll show you how it works and you can do it next time.”</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He turns towards the pantry for more supplies, and he misses Arthur’s stunned expression and how he touches his cheek.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span>__</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“You’re a lovely couple,”  their waitress says, as she hands Merlin back his card, and his face reddens.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“She thinks we are...together?”  Arthur studies him.  </span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>Merlin stands, laughs it off.  “Yeah….I’m not sure where she got that idea.”  he wants to cringe as he says the words.  She probably saw Merlin’s face and </span>
  <em>
    <span>knew</span>
  </em>
  <span>, just didn’t pick up on how one-sided this whole thing was.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur doesn’t laugh.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Have you ever been with anyone?”  he questions, on their walk home.  “Did you ever get married?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span><br/>
</span>
  <span>“I never got married.  I’ve -- there were nights where I didn’t want to be alone, but nothing lasted beyond the morning.”   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>There never could be anyone else for him but Arthur.  He’s always been hopeless that way. </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I’m sorry you never found anyone,”  Arthur says, after a beat.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin just shrugs.  “I never needed anything more.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>He just needed Arthur, even if only as a friend.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>__</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>They’re laying outside under the stars.  Arthur likes being outdoors -- it makes him feel more at home.  The skies haven’t changed as much as everything else has, over the years.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I think you’re the first person who ever loved me,”  Arthur says, and Merlin turns and looks at him.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur says the words like he just realized. Like the thought just occurred to him and he didn’t even think twice before saying them aloud. He turns so he’s facing Merlin.   </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“My mother didn’t live long enough to meet me.  My dad cared for me and he loved the idea of me.  He loved what I represented.  But it was so conditional. It was always </span>
  <em>
    <span>so</span>
  </em>
  <span> conditional.  One wrong move and he would have turned me out.  Everyone I knew when I was young loved the idea of me.  But you....you saw who I was and everything that was wrong with me and you loved me.  No one had ever seen me as just who I was before. You were the first.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin had never thought of it that way.  Arthur:  headstrong and impatient, brave and loyal.  He had driven him crazy, rearranged his whole existence.  Merlin had loved him from those very first days.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>A tear trickles down his cheek.  He doesn’t wipe it away.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I still love you, Arthur,”  his voice catches.  “Always will.”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Arthur reaches a hand up and wipes the tear away.  His eyes are bright.  He looks at Merlin’s face, to his lips, unmistakable, and Merlin wants to know how this is real.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“I want to…”  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>Merlin just nods.  Arthur kisses him, hard, leans closer, pulls him in, and Merlin’s heart feels like it’s going to beat right out of his chest.  He thinks he could very well die happily.  </span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>“Let’s go home,”  Merlin tells him, when they break apart, and Arthur nods, breathless.</span>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <span>With Arthur back, Merlin feels like he has a home to go back to. <br/>
</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>inspired by my rewatch this year and the show revival i found through all these posts on tumblr in 2020</p><p>
  <a href="https://aziraphalescrowley.tumblr.com">you can find me here</a>
</p></blockquote></div></div>
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